


Keeping the balance

by ChristinMKay



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amnesiac Castiel, Angst, Ballroom Dancing, Doctor Castiel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Reaper Dean, Slow Dancing, Soul Bond, Soulmates, True Love, kinda au kinda not, you will find out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-02-26 18:10:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2661512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChristinMKay/pseuds/ChristinMKay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everybody at the Boston Grace Hospital likes Dr. Castiel Novak. He is polite, maybe a bit shy, good looking and he is the best paediatrician on the entire east coast. And he has a secret: He can heal people by only touching them. But not only does he have a secret he can also not shake the feeling that something is missing in his life and the feeling grows when suddenly a handsome stranger with green eyes appears in the Boston Grace. Will he be the answer Castiel is looking for and what is the stranger hiding from him?</p><p>Dean on the other hand has a problem. Of all the god damn doctors there are, he had to run into the one he was supposed to stay as far away as possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I saw you looking at me

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is kinda an au, you'll find out more in chapter 2 and I don't want to spoil you. Since I'm still a dyslexic, not a native speaker and nobody read beta I apologize for all the spelling and grammar mistakes.  
> Now have fun reading :)

Everybody at the Boston Grace Hospital liked Dr. Novak. He was polite, maybe a bit shy, good looking and he was the best paediatrician on the entire east coast. He joked with the children, answered all their question, was there for them when they were afraid and calmed the worried parents.  
  
Furthermore he had never lost a child. No matter how hopeless the case seemed Castiel Novak always managed to save the kid. Also all of his patients never seemed to suffer a lot of pain and healed very fast.  
  
Everybody thought the reason for his success was his lack of sleep and a missing social life.  
  


But actually Castiel had a secret: He was able to cure people only by touching them.He had found out during med school. A boy had fallen down the stairs, broken his leg, couldn't go to prom and had been really sad about it since he had been brave enough to ask his crush out. When Castiel had placed his fingers on his head checking for a concussion he had wished that the boy's leg would not be broken so he could go to prom and suddenly Castiel had felt a warm shivering.  
  
“Did you give me any pain killers?” the boy suddenly had asked.  
  
“No, I did not. Why?” Castiel had replied.  
  
“Because my leg doesn't hurt anymore and..oh look”, the boy suddenly had gotten up, “look I can move it again.”  
  
Castiel had been really confused and had made another x-ray. The x-ray had shown that the leg apparently wasn't broken at all. Also all the bruises on the boy's arms had been gone.  
  
Castiel first had thought it had been a coincidence, someone probably had mixed up the x-rays but it had happened again. And so Castiel had discovered that he could heal people by only touching them.  
  


Of course he still had finished studying to become a doctor and applied at the Boston Grace. And today, today he was going to cure cancer. Well not cancer but a teenage girl who had had cancer for years and everybody had told her she was about to die. She had had chemo since she was ten. Now after six years Castiel would pretend to check something in her eyes, touch her forehead, do some test and then he would get the results and would tell the girl she beat cancer.  
  
“Good morning Tascha.” he greeted the girl as he entered her room, his nose buried in her file.  
  
“Good morning Dr. Novak.” she answered and a second female voice joined her.  
  
Castiel looked up and spotted her older sister Kate standing right next to the bed of her sister.  
  
“Hello Kate”, he gave her a short nod and then asked Tascha, “And how do you feel today?”  
  
“Anxious.” she replied her voice shaking a bit.  
  
“I actually meant if you have physical pain, but if it's about the tests and results I am having a really good feeling about today and usually I am always right.” he gave her a bright smile hoping it would calm her.  
  
She gave him something looking like a small smile.  
  
“Okay then let's get started.” Castiel wanted to do this fast, this girl had suffered long enough.  
  
He was about to place the fingers of his right hand on her forehead a small flashlight in his left hand when he felt a prickle in his neck as if someone was watching him. When he turned around all he saw was a young man with dark blond hair and a leather jacket standing outside the room. It seemed like he was staring directly at Castiel so Castiel stared back, but the man didn't show any reaction. So Castiel figured that the man was probably lost in his thoughts not noticing he was staring at the doctor. But the way he was staring at Castiel seemed odd. There was a certain sadness in his eyes almost desperation. Even though there was a window between them Castiel could tell that the man's eyes were green shining like emeralds. However now he did not have time for handsome sad strangers.  
  
He turned around and finally softly pressed his fingers on Tascha's forehead feeling a warm sensation running through his body. With the flashlight he looked into her eyes trying not to smile too much.  
  
“Okay let's go, do some tests.” Castiel said after he had pretended to do the usual check ups. He turned around again looking for the mysterious man, but he was already gone. Castiel shrugged with his shoulders and called a nurse to get Tascha ready for the tests.  
  
After three hours, a bunch of tests and Castiel annoying the lab to get the results, he returned to Tascha's room with a big smile on his face.  
  
Kate was sitting on the bed holding her sister's hand. Tascha was shaking fear written in her face.  
  
As Castiel opened his mouth he could clearly see how the sisters where holding their breaths.  
  
“I've got good news. You officially beat cancer.” he told them.  
  
Kate breathed out relieved while Tascha looked like she was in shock. Kate jumped up full of excitement and hugged Castiel enthusiastically.  
  
“Oh thank you Dr. Novak, thank you so much.” she cried and pressed a short kiss on Castiel's cheek. He blushed a bit.  
  
“Kate, he is probably married.” Tascha finally spoke.  
  
“You get told you're cancer free and the first thing you say is that?” Kate stared at her sister like she had gone made, “I mean, I'm sorry if you are. I couldn't help myself.”  
  
“No problem, I'm just married to my work.” Castiel was kinda flustered, no matter how often family members hugged him, thanked him, for him it was still special.  
  
“I'm now gonna leave you, I guess want some time for yourself.” he gave Tascha and Kate a smile and left their room.  
  
On his way out he got the feeling of being watched again and in the corner of his eyes he spotted someone. But all he saw when turned around was a pair of ripped jeans disappearing behind a corner. He went to the small counter where the strange man had been standing earlier. Hannah, a nurse he sometimes talked to and kinda considered his friend, was sitting behind it.  
  
“Hello Dr. Novak.” she gave him a shy smile.  
  
“Hello Hannah, have you been sitting here all day?” he asked her.  
  
“Yes I had to plan the shifts for the nurses and then some idiot messed up all the files so I had to order them.” she replied.  
  
“Have you seen a tall blond man wearing a leather jacket...like four, three hours ago?”  
  
“No, sorry. I didn't.” she apologized.  
  
“Are you certain?” Castiel tried not to sound too disappointed not even knowing why he wanted to find that man.  
  
“I am, I don't think I would have missed a tall blond man wearing a leather jacket.” Hannah gave him a sad smile.  
  
“Okay...well then have good day.” he sighed.  
  
“Thanks, you too.” she answered but Castiel didn't hear her, he was to far gone in his thoughts.  
  
 Why couldn't he stop thinking about this man? What was so special about him? So he was good looking and had this sadness in his eyes, so what. On the other hand Castiel often had some weird feelings. He felt like he was missing something, like there was something not quite right with his life. He first had thought it was because he was single. So he had dated a nurse called Meg, but it didn't work out and it did not fill the void in his life. It was like he was missing a person but not only one person like there were a lot of people who were supposed to be in his life. Also his entire life seemed blurry, his memories kind of surreal.  
He shook his head. Probably he should just get more sleep.  
  
 As he left the hospital and went to the parking spot he suddenly saw the man again. The stranger was standing between two cars a few meters away from Castiel.  
  
Castiel suddenly hear himself yell “Hey you, wait!” and started running towards the man.  
  
Before he could reach him he suddenly heard a loud squeal and somebody screaming. He stopped for a second and realized that he had almost crashed into a car and that the squeal had been brakes. He apologized to the driver and when he looked up again the mysterious stranger had vanished.  



	2. What he must never know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thanks for all the kudos and the comments.  
> Here is chapter two I hope you enjoy it as much as chapter one :) Sorry again for any grammar/spelling mistakes

  
Dean slammed the door of the bunker shut. He mas mad.

Why? Why on earth must it have been him. Of all the celestial beings and all the doctors on this earth why him?

“Are you okay, Dean?” Sam who was sitting on a couch reading a book asked.

_No, I'm as far from okay as possible. Nobody in the history of okay has ever been that far from it as I am right now!_

“Yeah..I just had a hard day. Being a reaper is not really my dream job.” Dean answered sarcastically.

“ _Also I ran into Cas the one person I'm supposed to stay away from as far as possible.”_ he added in his thoughts.

“Then why don't you quit?” Sam suggested.

“You know exactly why I can't do it. The only way to get out of this deal is killing Meatdouche and if...if we kill him....” Dean had to sallow.

Sam knew exactly what Dean was trying to say and just nodded.

“It's okay, Dean.” he added.

Dean just went straight to the fridge to grab a bottle of beer but the fridge suddenly disappeared and so did the entire kitchen.

 

Dean found himself in the middle of an old office stuffed with books and he heard familiar noise of a typing machine.

He didn't turn around, he didn't want to because he knew he couldn't lie. He would know if Dean did.

“Hello Dean,” an unpleasant voice as unpleasant as it's owner said, “You know you you are supposed to report to me immediately after I sent you to a mission.”

“I know.” Dean answered his back still turned the writer.

“Well then report and do not turn your back to me any longer.” and with that words an invisible force made Dean turn around and face him.  
Face the man who was responsible for all his suffering, the man who forced him to go out there everyday and collect souls, the man he made a deal with to save Castiel.

And all that would have been for nothing as soon as Dean had told him what he had discovered.

Metatron was sitting in front of him, his fingers folded in each other, waiting for Dean to report.

“So tell me, did you find out who causes the loss of souls to collect?” he asked Dean.

Dean knew if he told Metatron it was Castiel everything would be over. Metatron would kill Castiel immediately and there was nothing Dean could do. He couldn't lie, Metatron would know that he did, but he was not willing to lose Cas again. He simply couldn't and to his own surprise he heard himself say “No. I didn't”

Metatron lifted his eyebrows and seemed almost so surprised as Dean was.

“You did not?” he asked still looking suspicious.

Dean just shook his head afraid to speak, afraid to tell Metatron the truth.

“Then you will go back and find it out. And you will bring me three spared souls. And the first one will be the girl.” Metatron ordered.

“But...” Dean wanted to protest. The girl was only sixteen and still had her whole life in front of her. Also he knew Cas would be devastated if something happened to her. He had seen this morning how much his patients meant to him. But before he could finish his sentence Metatron silenced him.

“You are not here to talk back. You do what I say, that was the deal. And because you failed today I will take your ability to show you to any living creature away until you bring me those three souls. Do you understand me?”

Dean just nodded biting his tongue with anger. He hated it when he wasn't able to show himself to any living creature. He always hid himself when he was working, fulfilling his orders but he liked to control it. Metatron had punished him like that once and Dean hadn't been able to speak to Sam for an entire week.

“Good, go now. Do as you are told.” Metatron commanded and snapped with his fingers. Dean found himself back in the hospital.

________________

 

Castiel rushed into the hospital.

“Please be still alive. Please be false alarm. Please don't be dead.” he prayed not even knowing to whom.

He ran down the hallway as fast as he could almost flying into Tascha's room. But what he saw when he entered it stopped him immediately.

Not just his legs, also his breath, his heart beat, it felt like his entire life stopped.

In front of him was Kate clutching the lifeless body of her sister against hers tears running down her cheeks. Hannah had one hand on her shoulder trying to comfort the crying girl.

“What...what happened.” he swallowed turning to one of his colleagues who had been there trying to save Tascha.

“Aneurysm. Killed her right before we could do anything. I'm sorry man.” his coworker said.

Castiel just shook is head “I don't understand. This should not have happened.” his throat suddenly became all dry.

“I know. It's always sad if they die so young.” the other doctor agreed.

“No you don't understand!” Castiel wanted to yell, “I healed her! There should not have been an aneurysm! It is impossible!” he wanted to smash something, to shake his coworker, he needed go get out of the room.

“Excuse me.” he said and his coworker just nodded understanding. Losing a patient for the first time was hard. Castiel just rushed out of the room.

Castiel had to hold back the tears. This could not be real. He must have one of this nightmares again. He took a deep breath and then looked up only to see him. The stranger. He was standing there, just a few meters away from Castiel leaning against the opposite wall. His eyes were full of sadness like they had been this morning and still it seemed like his sadness had grown, his desperation risen and there was this unbearable pain in the way he looked at Castiel.

Castiel was confused, mad and in shock. Why was this man staring at him. Who he was he anyway? Why had he disappeared this morning and what was he doing here again.

“What are you looking at.” Castiel barked.

The man looked surprised, almost shocked that Castiel had spoken to him. He was turning his head to both sides as if he wanted to make sure Castiel had meant him.

“Hey bowlegs, I'm talking to you.” Castiel got angrier and angrier every second.

The strangers face was now clearly in shock, his eyes wide open, his mouth gaping.

“What?” Castiel stared back forcefully.

“You...you can see me?” was all the stranger said.

 


	3. Take away my breath

“You...you can see me?” the strangers voice was deeper than Castiel had expected. It was rough almost raspy and sounded like the ocean crushing against the shore. And furthermore it was somehow familiar and comforting. Castiel felt immediately drawn to it. But why one earth would the stranger ask if Castiel could see him. Of course he could.

“Of course I can see you.” Castiel was confused. He was angry, shocked, weirdly attracted and in a vortex of feelings.

“Are you on drugs?” he added.

“What..no..I” ,the stranger tried to catch air, “I'm not on drugs.”

“Then why did you ask if I could see you? Who are you anyway and what do you want from me?” Castiel tried to focus.

“I...I don't want anything.” the man did not sound very convincing.

“But I saw you this morning. You were watching me.” accused Castiel the stranger.

“I was not...wait you saw me this morning too?” the stranger got more and more confused and so did Castiel.

“Yes. I did. You know people can look through windows.” it was probably not fair of Castiel to yell at the stranger. It was not his fault Tascha had died. And also Castiel didn't want to upset the man. He already looked like he was hit by a truck and Castiel felt sorry for yelling at him. Also yelling at somebody at your working place didn't seem like a good idea. And there was something about this mysterious man, he made Castiel feel home, feel save.

“I need to go.” the stranger suddenly said and Castiel felt the huge urge to hold him back.

“No! Wait! I'm sorry.” he apologized and to his surprise the man stopped and turned around, “My name is Castiel Novak by the way and I should not have yelled at you. You probably have your private reasons why you are here and it is not right for to ask you about them.” he added.

“It's okay.” the stranger said and continued his walk down the hallway.

“Wait, don't you want to tell me your name.” Castiel didn't want the stranger to leave, not without at least knowing his name.

“It's better if you don't know.” he replied his voice all severe, “Basically it would be the best if you just forgot that you've ever met me.” and with those words the pain in the strangers eyes just grew and he turned around again.

But Castiel couldn't take that as an answer. And before he knew what he was doing he just gripped the man's wrist and forced him to stop. He wanted to say something, make the stranger stay but the moment his fingers touched the skin of the other man's wrist there was something like an electrical shock running through Castiel's body. He gasped trying to catch air his eyes wide open staring into the green eyes of the stranger. No not the stranger. Castiel didn't know why, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he knew this man. Their hands were practically melted together and he felt this strong undertow towards this man, he never wanted to let go of his hand.

Unfortunately the other could separate their hands and before Castiel could do anything he was standing alone in the hallway unable to move.

Suddenly someone tipped him on the shoulder and he almost jumped around.

“God, Hannah you scared me.” Castiel had to take a deep breath.

“I am sorry, it was not my intention to scare you. I know right now is not the best moment, you just lost a patient and I am very sorry for you, but I have to remind you to come to the hospital's charity event tomorrow night. You know how important it is for the hospital.” Castiel could hear how uncomfortable Hannah felt reminding him.

He just nodded. “I will be there” he added and then left Hannah standing alone in the hallway like had been only seconds before. What on earth had just happened?

____

Dean asked himself the exact same question. Castiel should not have been able to see him. Not this morning and especially not a few seconds ago. Metatron had taken his ability to show himself to any living creature, so how on earth had Cas been able to see him not to mention that he spoke to Dean and that he had touched him. The girl had seen him of course, but she was meant to die. Cas was alive and had seen him. How was that even possible.

Dean had been so shocked he  had beamed himself as far as possible or actually just in the middle of nowhere now trying to breathe and to relax.

He needed to talk with Sam about this. Only that if he wanted to talk to Sam he needed to reap two more souls that should have died.

He took a deep breath trying to swallow his disgust and went to the closest hospital.

 

Dean had been through a lot. He had lost his mother, his father, a lot of his friends and he had been to hell. He always had tought nothing could be worse than torturing souls. He had been wrong. Taking innocent lives, lives of children, children who could have seen the world, who could have change the world, children who didn't deserve to die. Children Cas had healed.

All Dean now wanted to do was head back to the bunker and drink the pain numb. But before he could open the door to the bunker he everything in front of his eyes went blurry again and he found himself back in Metatron's office.

He sighed.

“You did your job very well. Did you find the source of the disequilibrium?” he heard Metatron ask and oppressed his urge to jump over Metatron's desk and to strangle the bastard and his pretentious vocabulary.

Instead he just shook his head amazed that he was still able to lie.

“Well in this case you will return to the hospital until you find it. The hospital hosts a charity event tomorrow nigh and I believe someone who cures sick children and steals my souls will definitely be there.” Metatron ordered.

And as Dean remained silent Metatron just made a movement with his hand and Dean found himself back in the kitchen of the bunker.

Dean was shaking. Castiel was clearly in danger and he didn't know how long he could continue lying to Metatron. Drinking himself numb was out of option. Instead he screamed Sam's name not able to move.

When Sam rushed into the kitchen he found his brother still shaking his fingers buried in the kitchen table trying to hold him on his legs.  
After Sam had managed to calm Dean and Dean had told him everything that happened Sam just nodded and said: “I think I know somebody who could help.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and the kudos, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I promise the new will be there soon SPOILERS......it will finally feature Sabriel.


	4. There is no ground under our feet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really really sorry that it took me so long to update, but I kinda had a writer block on this story, that is now thanks good gone and I update the next chapter this week.  
> I hope you enjoy the new chapter :)

 

Sam was glad Dean hadn't freaked out when Gabriel had shown up.

 

_The archangel had appeared the first time after the incident in April's apartment, but had only reviled himself to Sam. Dean probably would not even have noticed Gabriel, if he had decided to show himself to both brothers. He had said that right now he couldn't do anything for Cas, but if the brothers needed him, they just had to call and he would come. Sam had been a bit suspicious in the beginning, wondering why on earth Gabriel would ever want to help them, but after a few months where he constantly had been talking to Gabriel, the archangel had gained his trust and even more something Sam would consider friendship._

 

After he had told Dean all that, it had been Dean's turn to explain the situation to Gabriel.

Gabriel had listened carefully and without any hesitation promised to help them.

And now thanks to Gabriel they were on the charity masquerade ball of the hospital Cas worked in.

Gabriel had gotten them fake invitations and suits and masks and as soon as they had been inside Dean had vanished to find Cas even though he didn't even know what he was about to do.

Sam was now standing next to Gabriel, who was wearing a black suit and a golden mask that made him look a bit like a bird. But it somehow suited him. The contrast of the golden mask and the dark suit mixed with Gabriel's smug grin made him look very attractive and a few ladies had already given him some meaningful looks.

“Don't you want to join them? You don't have to wait here with me the entire time.” Sam asked not quite knowing why it was only coming so unwillingly over his lips.

“Nah, I'm not really the dancing kind of guy.” Gabriel tried to convince Sam, but Sam knew it was not true.

“You have been swinging to the music since we arrived here. You might be a trickster, but you're a bad lair Gabe.” Sam said and now he was the one with the smug grin on his face.

Gabriel raised his eyebrows and it took Sam a minute until he realized what just had said.

But Gabriel didn't seem to mind the nickname. In stead he just replied “Maybe I like dancing, but nobody of those ladies was the one I wanted to dance with.” and with those words he looked directly at Sam.

Sam could feel that he was blushing and was really thankful that he was wearing the phantom of the opera mask that covered basically half of his face.

Somehow and Sam had no idea why he suddenly was brave or bold enough he suddenly asked “Would you like to dance with me?”

Sam wanted to bang his head against a wall immediately. What on earth was he doing? Gabriel must have thought he was nuts.

But Gabriel just tilted his head a bit, just like Castiel had used to, and stared at him “Are you serious?” and he didn't sound offended or angry, more...hopeful.

“I..uhm...if you don't want to..I mean...” Sam stuttered awkwardly but Gabriel had already taken his hand and pulled him on the dance floor.

A fast song had been playing but the moment Sam and Gabriel entered the dance floor it changed to a slow melancholic song, but Gabriel didn't let go of Sam's hand and Sam felt like just stumbled in a cliché like rom-com.

It was a bit awkward when Gabriel suddenly started spinning Sam over the dance floor, but it was also nice somehow. Sam enjoyed the feeling of Gabriel's hand in his own and he felt weirdly comfortable with the archangel invading his personal space. And he couldn't help but stare into the gold brown eyes glistening like whiskey in the sun. Gabriel was staring back locking his gaze with Sam's.

Sam started to fell a tingling feeling in his stomach, making him feel like he was floating a few inches above the floor when Gabriel spun him around one more time.

It was kind of hard to believe that this was the Gabriel,who had played deadly tricks to people for fun, who had killed his brother several times, who had wanted them to say yes to Lucifer and Michael.

But he was also the Gabriel who had sacrificed himself to Lucifer for Dean and him, who had comforted him after what had happened to Cas, who was now dancing with him like it was the best thing in the world.

Sam had to smile and Gabriel smiled back.

________

 

Opposites to his brother and Gabriel, Dean was not on cloud nine.  
He needed to warn Castiel, tell him he had to stop healing people. Dean actually had no idea how to do that without sounding completely mental, but before he would probably embarrass himself for ever he had to find Castiel.

The room was filled with people in fancy suits and extravagant dresses and that they all were wearing masks didn't help to find Cas.

But Dean spotted him, he saw Cas' black scrubby hair, his tense shoulders and his soft hands placed on the hands of the nurse Dean had seen earlier. They were dancing quite stiff and both didn't really look like they enjoyed it.

So it was no surprise for Dean when he tipped on the nurse's shoulder and asked if he could borrow her Doctor, that she agreed without hesitation.

Even though Dean was wearing a mask (it was a normal black one without any ornaments or special patterns) Castiel hissed “You!” when their hands touched, “It's you!”

His ice blue eyes pierced through Dean and he almost forgot why he was here.

“What are you doing here?” Castiel's voice was tense, but not angry and Dean suddenly drew him closer and whispered with a raspy voice “I'm here to warn you. You need to stop healing people.”

Castiel just tilted his head and Dean could see how he frowned.

“I'm sorry but it is my job to heal people. I'm a doctor.” Castiel finally said after a few seconds and spun Dean around.

It seemed like Castiel had have trouble dancing only with the nurse and Dean had to focus again, but the feeling of Cas fingers on his waist and their hands pressed together made it unbelievable hard for Dean. He had imagined them dancing together a long time ago and now when it finally was happening Cas had no idea who Dean was, or in what danger he was.

“I don't mean the part with being a doctor.” Dean now looked directly in Cas' eyes trying to hold his gaze, “I mean the part with you placing your hands on patiens and magically healing them only by touching them.” he explained and Cas made a suffocating noise.

He didn't let go of Dean though, instead he just asked “How do you know this?”

“It doesn't matter how I know it or that I know it, but if you don't stop it immediately you will be in great danger.” Dean continued.

They were still moving to the song that was playing, a soft voice singing about comforting someone. Dean actually didn't like this kind of music, but the song somehow managed to touch him.

Castiel kept silent and just stared at Dean his eyes full of questions.

After a small eternity he finally opened his mouth.

“Who are you?” he still didn't take his eyes of Dean.

 _I'm your best friend, I'm Dean Winchester, the righteous man, the man you saved, the man who loves you, the man who had to watch you die_ , Dean wanted to scream but instead he just shook his head.

“I told you it's the best if you don't know.” and even he could hear the sadness in his voice.

“If you refuse to tell me I will leave.” Cas threatened but kept dancing with Dean not looking like he would really leave.

“I doubt that.” Dean teased and spun Castiel around once more.

“Oh and why is that so?” Cas sounded challenging and locked his eyes once more with Dean.

“Because you're still here.” Dean whispered and then looked down.

Because Castiel was not really still there. He was dancing with Dean, yes. But he was not with Dean. For him all Dean was, was a mysterious stranger. Castiel would not continue dancing with Dean when the song was over, he would not come home with Dean, he would not be there. And it hurt, it hurt a lot, but not being with Cas was the price he had to pay to keep him alive.

To his surprise Cas suddenly pulled him closer and...kissed him.

Dean was in shock for a second because of the touch of Cas' lips on his own, but then melted into the kiss.

It was a tender kiss, lips closed, but Dean felt like he was struck by a lightning, his entire body prickled and his heart beat like he had just run a marathon.

Dean grabbed Castiel's hips and pulled him closer what was almost impossible. He held him like he was afraid Castiel would vanish as soon as they lost touch.

His chest pressed against Dean's, feeling Dean's heart beat, seemed to encourage Castiel and he suddenly deepened the kiss.

It was still gentle but there was a hint of desperation in it.

Dean knew this kiss meant more to him than it did to Cas. Dean had wanted this for ages, had daydreamed about the taste of Cas' lips, had imagined them melted together. But for Castiel it was just the kiss of a stranger who was afraid to let go.  
Dean had problems holding back his tears.

When they finally parted Dean just stared at Castiel, his hands still resting on his hips not letting them go.

“Why..did you..do this?” he managed to whisper between catching air, trying not to cry and still pressing Cas against him like his life depended on it.

“Life is short, you are hot and apparently I'm in danger.” Castiel only shrugged and Dean felt an unbearable pain in his chest.

_________

 

Castiel had not quite said the truth. But he thought it might not sound as weird as “ _Since I can remember I have felt like there has been a void in my life and every time I see you I feel drawn to you, like there is an invisible force in the universe that wants me to be near you.”_

Castiel also really had to concentrate not to blurt out that this just had been the best kiss of his life and for the first time ever he had felt whole again. He had felt like being home.

Of course he still had no idea who the stranger was, or how he knew Cas could heal people and what had he meant when he had said Castiel was in danger?

But right now he could care less. Right now all he wanted to do was cup the jaw of the mysterious stranger, who's hands were still resting on Cas' hips and kind of sending shivers down his spine, and kiss him again.

Every part of his body wanted to kiss the stranger again, feel the touch of his soft lips, feel his hands slung around Castiel's back, feel like floating again.

Castiel had once done drugs in his life. One time during college, but the feeling of freedom, lightness and happiness he had felt while being high was nothing compared to what he had felt when he had kissed the stranger.

He just had to risk it again and once again he placed his lips on the other man's mouth.

This time the stranger was not stiff but melted in to the kiss immediately. He pulled Castiel closer again and Castiel just felt save and home. This stranger was oddly familiar and every time he touched Cas, it felt like thousands of fireworks were exploding inside his body.

This time the kiss was shorter but more passionated. When they parted again Cas just grabbed the stranger's hand and pulled him off the dance floor, away from the ball, away from the people.

“What are you...” he heard the man say, but Castiel had already reached his destination.

A small storeroom big enough for two grown men, he opened the door and pushed the man inside.

He didn't even care if he had locked the door he just had to touch the other man again, taste his lips, feel his hands, his chest, his breath.

The other man hand lost his mask and Castiel ripped his off his face too. He stared at the man for a second being hypnotized by his emerald green eyes shining as bright as a warm day in the spring, before he was all over him again.

It was not sex or release Castiel wanted, he craved this stranger, craved his intimacy, craved this feeling he gave him like there was actually a sense in his life.

The man was moving his lips from the corner of Castiel's mouth to his jaw and then down to his neck where he was now sucking little love bites into Castiel's flesh.

Castiel felt like there was a symphony orchestra playing inside his head, he felt the blood rushing through his veins, he felt how the world was spinning he felt like he could touch every single atom in the universe and a silent moan escaped his lips:

“Dean!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh btw if anyone wants to know they are all dancing to the song "Safe & Sound" by Taylor Swift ft. Civil War


	5. And the walls kept tumbling down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me a bit longer than a week to update, but here is the new chapter and I'm already working on chapter six.  
> Thanks for all the hits and kudos, now have fun reading :)

The world had stopped spinning, the universe had stopped growing, time had stopped passing and what also had stopped was Dean's breath.

His lips were still pressed against Cas' neck and Cas' hands were still in Dean's hair.

Cas, who had no idea who Dean was. Cas, who was not supposed to remember Dean. Cas, who just had moaned Dean's name.

It was impossible. Dean must have imagined it, wished it, hoped it. I could not be real.

Dean still didn't move, was still standing in the storeroom like he was petrified, not being able to process what just had happened.

Neither seemed Cas, because like Dean he was not moving and his breath had stopped too.

The only thing that moved was Dean's heart, hammering against his chest, beating in a mixture of anxiety and hope. It was beating fast and hard, almost like it wanted to jump out of Dean's chest and Dean suddenly felt another movement, a pulse, also beating against his chest.

It was Cas' heart, beating in the exact rhythm as Dean's, beating against Dean's chest like it wanted to jump out of Castiel's chest too, like it wanted to join with Dean's.

Dean didn't dare to speak, to breathe or finally to move, he was afraid this was all just a dream and that he would wake up as soon as he would look up.

“Dean.”

Dean's heart skipped a beat.

It was not  a question, nor a request, it was a realisation when Cas whispered his name again.

Dean finally dared to move and looked up, locking his glance with Cas' blue eyes, that would make galaxies blush with envy.

Cas' eyes were soft and seemed to be filled with wonder, he reached out with his left hand to cup Dean's face. He pressed the fingertips of his right hand soft on Dean's cheek almost hesitatingly like he couldn't believe Dean was real and Dean hadn't noticed he had cried until Cas slowly wiped his tear drops away.

There was a small smile on Cas' lips when he softly whispered “Hello Dean.”

And that was the moment when Cas broke Dean.

Dean wasn't able to hold his emotions back any longer, he put his hands on Cas' neck and pressed their foreheads together, tears were now streaming down his face like waterfalls making it hard for him to breathe and his voice started shaking.

“Cas.” was all he managed to say.

He wanted to yell _“We can't do this, you need to keep up the wall in your head, you mustn't remember me”_ but once again only a raspy “Cas” escaped his lips.

And his mind also only managed to think _CasCasCasCasCasCasCasCasCas._

He didn't care about Metatron right now, about the fact that he was still his bitch, still a reaper, all he did care about right now was Cas, and that he had thought he would never hear the words “Hello Dean.” again.

__________

Cas could literally feel how the barriers in his brain were coming down. It all made sense know. He had felt like his life had been missing something because it had not been his life, it had been fake memories. He had felt like there had been a void because Dean hadn't been there. It actually explained everything, his healing abilities, him needing less sleep than others, him not really being hungry, it explained why he had felt like thousand volts had been running through his veins when he had grabbed Dean's wrist the day before. Or at least Cas thought it would be an explanation for the sensation he had felt, because he wasn't so sure if this was a feeling caused by amnesia.

Anyway the point was he felt like someone had opened a door to his memories and he remembered. Well not someone had opened it but Dean.

“I remember you.” he whispered his forehead still resting against Dean's.

Dean Winchester, his former mission, his best friends, his human, his beautiful perfect human.

 _Mine,_ Cas thought before other blurred pictures started to flow into his mind.

“I remember it all.” starting with rescuing Dean from hell, to the apocalypse, to him becoming god and dying, to him coming back only to vanish with Dean into purgatory. He remembered coming back from purgatory, remembered trusting Metatron, remembered falling, remembered looking for Dean and Sam. He remembered ending up tied onto a chair in Aprils kitchen.

“I died..” it hit him “I died” he tried to remember more, remember what had happened, but that was the last part his brain seemed to know.

Dean finally separated their foreheads and nodded.

“You did.” was all Dean said.  
“But how...” _how am I alive? How did I end up here? How did I get faked memories?_ There were thousand of questions Cas wanted to ask, but he couldn't.

“You were dead...” Dean started to explain his voice raspy and shaking, “you were dead when Sam and I rushed into that bitch's apartment. I stabbed her immediately and then checked if you were still alive, if there was the possibility that Sam and I hadn't been too late..” Dean zoomed out and it looked like he was lost in his thoughts, lost in the memory of Cas' dead body lying on this chair, “But we were too late.” Dean had to swallow hard and Cas was running his hands calming up and down Dean's neck and Dean continued looking down, not meeting Cas' eyes “Of course we tried everything to get you back. But no demon was ready to make a deal or actually powerful enough to bring back an angel. So I..I went to Metatron.” and Cas could feel how Dean tensed up but he continued “I begged him to bring you back, told him I'd do anything as long as you were back and kicking. And he offered me a deal.” Dean stopped and his entire body was shaking now.

Cas cupped his face and forced Dean to look him in the eyes “Hey, Dean. Look at me. It's okay. You did what you had to do, it's okay.” he tried to comfort Dean and Dean nodded trying not to start crying again.

“I'd become his personal reaper and he would bring you back. Of course you and I weren't allowed to meet. You actually were not allowed to remember anything. I think he was afraid you could beat him or anything. So I gave you this false memory and dropped you off here, hoping we would never meet again. Well actually that's a lie. I would have given anything to see you again, but I knew if Metatron found out, and he would, since I'm his bitch he can order me to do anything and I can't fight it or refuse, if he found out, he would kill you. But you of course had do notice your angelic abilities and messed around with the natural balance. Metatron noted the lack of souls he should get and sent me here to find out who was disturbing the balance.” Dean ended and looked down again, his cheeks burning in shame and all Cas wanted to do was tell him, that it was okay, that he had done nothing wrong, but he didn't know how, so he just kissed Dean again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw the title of this chapter was inspired by the song Pompeii by Bastille, I was listening to it and it just fitted perfectly


	6. I lost myself in you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it would be time for a bit more Sabriel. I also finally know how I want to let this story end, I'll try to update as soon as possible.  
> Thanks as always for the hits and the kudos  
> Have fun reading :)

Sam and Gabriel were still dancing. They had noticed that Dean and Cas had met and had vanished from the dance floor but both of them weren't to eager to follow them. Instead they stayed on the dance floor, hands tangled together, feet slowly swinging to the music.

Gabriel couldn't stop smiling, couldn't quite believe that he was dancing with Sam Winchester.

After all Gabriel was surprised the younger Winchester had agreed talking to him, he had never thought he wound end up here. After all he had done. Gabriel's thoughts wandered back to their first meeting, him posing as janitor and later as trickster. Their next meeting had been even worse, killing Dean all over again and again really had been a stupid idea.

But Gabriel had changed, had sacrificed himself for the Winchester and even without their knowledge he had watched over them...well more over Sam tan Dean, because Dean already had is own guardian angel.

There was some much Gabriel wanted to tell Sam, how sorry he was, how blind he had been, that Sam meant a lot to him, things he had wanted to say over all the past months he had secretly been talking to Sam, but he didn't even know where to start.

So instead of saying what he wanted to say the archangel played chicken and just asked “How did my brother end up here in the first place?” and Sam's smile faded immediately and he swallowed hard before he answered the question.

“Dean did try everything to get Cas back. He summoned every crossroad demon there is, hell he even summoned Crowley, but no one was ready to make a deal, but even if they had been, nobody of them is powerful enough to bring an angel back. So Dean went straight to Metatron, begged him to bring Cas back. So Metatron made Dean a reaper, Dean went to heaven, got Cas' grace, changed his memories and left him here.”

“Wait what?” did Sam just say Dean had gotten Cas grace in heaven, this could not be.

“The fake memory was necessary because Metatron didn't want Dean and Cas being together, hell knows why..” Sam went on.

“No, no! That's not what I mean. What do you mean with Dean went to heaven and got Cas' grace?” Gabriel interrupted him. This was not possible at all.

“Exactly what I said. As a reaper he can enter heaven and hell and carry souls and apparently an angel's grace.” Sam just shrugged looking slightly confused.

“But an angel's grace does not go to heaven when he dies!” Gabriel felt how his thoughts started spinning in his head, “When angel die they become atoms wandering through the universe for all eternity. They don't go to heaven like human souls do.”

Sam just stared at him, they had stopped dancing and were now standing still trying to figure out what to do with their new won information.

Then it Gabriel “Of course.” he cried out, grabbed Sam's wrist and snapped his fingers.

And suddenly they weren't standing on the dance floor anymore but were in a huge dark underground hall stuffed full with bookshelves moaning under the weight of books and papers they were bearing.

Gabriel was already rushing between them pulling different books out of them, while Sam was still standing in the middle of the room a bit dumbstruck.

“Where...where are we? And how did we even get here?” Gabriel heard him ask, where was this stupid book about prophesies, he wondered ignoring Sam.

“I flew us here.” he finally mumbled back when he started to feel Sam's slightly angry glance in his neck.

“You flew...but your wings...” Sam was still standing there, still dumbstruck and Gabriel finally turned around.

“Metatron might have written Dad's diary, doesn't mean he gets to clip my wings.” he explained with a wink and banged a pile of books and papers on the table. Still the one he was looking for in particular wasn't there.

“And this place?” Sam had by now taken off his mask and god he looked cute when he didn't catch up what was going on, Gabriel thought and also lost his mask.

He had to smile before he answered “Well let's say you humans only _thought_ Alexandria burned down.” and out of the corner of his eyes he spotted how Sam's jaw dropped.

Finally Gabriel found the book he was looking for and turned around where Sam remaining petrified and in shock.

“Easy there Sam, don't get a hard on.” Gabriel joked while going through the pages of the books and Sam blushed extremely.

“I...I didn't...” he stuttered but Gabriel just gave him a smug grin.

“What...what exactly are you looking for?” Sam managed to ask and finally moved over to Gabriel's side.

“A prophesy that might concern your and my brother.” Gabriel informed him, his finger gliding over the lines until “There!” he cried out.

“This actually explains a lot.” he got really excited, this was perfect actually.

“Would you maybe mind telling me what exactly explains a lot?” Sam seemed to have recover form the shock of being in an ancient library and was now again able to pull his legendary bitch faces.

“You know the theory that we are all made out of star dust or actually our atoms?” Sam just nodded, “Well it is said that God creates a human soul or an angelic grace and then the atoms are drawn to it, forming a body, a person, a human or an angel.” Gabriel went on.

“Wait, is this the theory that people are soul mates because their atoms are made of the same star dust?” Sam interrupted him.

Gabriel raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Well kinda.” he admitted, “This tale is based on a particular prophesy. It says that one day two stars will collide and their star dust will melt to one. The atoms of this star dust will be drawn to a human soul and an angelic grace. The human soul won't be affected, but the angelic grace slowly will turn into a human soul searching for it's human counterpart. If they are reunited, they will be the most powerful bound there is. Nothing will be able to destroy it. That is actually the reason why it was forbidden for angels to lay with humans. Because my superior brothers were afraid someone might overpower them.” Gabriel frowned by the memory of a furious Michael, when Gabriel had expressed his feelings towards the younger Winchester for the first time, but Sam's voice brought him back to reality.

“So you think that Dean and Cas are those two....soul mates?” Sam asked not sounding really convinced.

“I think there is a reason why my father gave Castiel a name that means 'fallen from god' and also it would explain a lot.” Gabriel said but Sam still frowned.

“For example that they both always return to each other, no matter what happened. Or that Dean was able to carry Castiel's 'grace' out of heaven. Reapers can only carry souls. Or the fact that Cas was able to see Dean even though Metatron took Dean's ability to show himself, not to forget the electroshocks Dean did feel, when Cas touched his wrist.” Gabriel continued.

Now Sam looked like he would understand what Gabriel meant.

“You're right, it would make sense. Also that Metatron wants to separate them. What if he thinks they are soul mates too and is afraid of their power?” Sam added.

Gabriel had to smile again.

“You're really the smart one.” he said and jumped up, “And now come on, we need to tell Dean...and Cas because if we are right, he probably remembers by now.” but Sam hesitated.

“Hey, what's wrong Sam?” Gabriel didn't like the look on Sam's face.

He looked sad and closed, his head was hanging down, the usually adorable puppy eyes were filled with something that looked like fear. What was going on with Sam?

“When you..when you said that....that except Dean and Cas, angels were not...not allowed to lay with humans...” Sam had trouble to find the words, and oh shit, Gabriel realised where this was going. So he marched right across the room, grabbed Sam's collar, pulled him down, stood on his tiptoes and kissed Sam.

Gabriel could feel how Sam tensed up and just stood there petrified for a few seconds and Gabriel was afraid for a second that he had been reading Sam's signals all wrong, but then Sam came back to life and kissed Gabriel back and Gabriel felt how two strong arms were slung around his back and pulled him up a bit. Gabriel knew what flying felt like and there was nothing compared to the feeling of freedom, of the wind swishing through your wings, seeing the earth from above, nothing until now. Kissing Sam was definitely better than flying. Gabriel's entire body started to tingle, his breath was sucked out of his lungs, and it felt like...like...there were actually no words in Gabriel's mind that could describe his feelings. Right now all he could think was _SamSamSamSam._

When they parted, both out of breath, Gabriel met Sam's colourful eyes and whispered “I honestly don't give a crap about those stupid rules. And if being with you will damn me for all entirety, I'm willing to take that burden.” and before he could add anything else Sam pressed his lips again against Gabriel's.

Dean and Cas would have to wait, Gabriel thought, Sam had priority right now.

 


	7. Leave me or I will lose you forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and the hits, I'll try to finish the last two chapters this week, but since school starts again I can't promise but I'll give my best  
> enjoy the new chapter :)

  
Cas and Dean were sitting on the ground of the storeroom, tangled in each other. Dean's head rested on Cas' chest, while Cas had one arm slung around Dean, holding him tight and the other one softly ruffling through Dean's hair.

Cas had never been this happy. He had Dean. Dean, who he had wanted since he saw him for the first time, who he had loved since that moment, who he had thought he could never have.

Happily he pressed a soft kiss on Dean's hair and Dean hummed in approval.

“I wish this would never end.” Dean sighed, “I wish it could stay like this forever.”

Cas placed one finger under Dean's chin and lifted up his head so he could meet Dean's lips for a short kiss.

“Who says it can't?” he asked with a small smile on his lips.

Dean suddenly slipped out of his embrace and turned around so that he was sitting across Cas. His eyes were filled with sadness and they didn't dare to meet Cas'.

“You now that it can't.” Dean's voice was nothing more than a whisper and Castiel could feel how much Dean was in pain.

He wanted to comfort Dean, tell him there was nothing to worry about, that he was wrong, he didn't want to see how hurt Dean was.

“Why not?” he answered, “Because of Metatron? Dean I don't care if he is after me, all I care about is you.” Cas hoped this would calm Dean, make him relax and lean back again against Cas.

But Cas was wrong.

“Damn it Cas!” Dean jumped up anger in his voice, “You should care about Metatron. If we stay together he will find out, believe me he will and then he is going to kill you. And I..I can't let that happen. I can't lose you again!”

Cas tried to stay calm, but how could Dean expect him to leave.

“And me leaving you and never seeing you again is not losing me?” Cas failed trying to keep his voice normal and got up too.

“No, it's me knowing you're still alive living a happy life somewhere. It's not me mourning your death. I lost you so many times Cas, I can't do this again!” and Cas suddenly realized that Dean was not furious but desperate.

“Dean..” he said softly making a step forward to be closer to Dean.

“Fuck Cas, you were dead!” Dean's voice was shaking and tears started running down his cheeks again.

Dean should not cry, Cas thought. His beautiful human with a soul shining brighter than the stars, should not be forced to suffer anymore. He made another step, cupped Dean's face again and forced him to look him in the eyes.

“You died so often, Cas.” Dean's voice was only a raspy breath.

“And yet I have never failed to return to you.” Cas pointed out, “Dean, if Leviathans, Purgatory, not even heaven itself haven't managed to keep us apart, so won't Metatron. And I'm not leaving you. I'd rather die than spending my life alone and with the knowledge that you are out there somewhere feeling as miserable as I do.” Cas meant every single word of it. He would never leave Dean, and yes he would rather die than being without him.

All Dean could do was croak “Cas..” but Cas already interrupted him again.

“Don't you _Cas me_ Dean Winchester! I am not leaving you and you are not leaving me! You are stuck with me till one of us dies and I don't care if that's going to be tomorrow or in forty years because I love you.” Dean's jaw dropped and Cas was surprised by himself. “I'm in love with you, Dean.” he whispered again maybe because it was over due after all the _I need you_ 's after all the _I'm not leaving without you_ 's after all the almost love confessions, maybe because Dean needed to hear it, needed to know he was loved, maybe because Cas was selfish and tried anything to stay with Dean. Maybe just because it was the truth.

But neither Dean nor Castiel cared for the reason, because all that mattered was that Cas was in love with Dean.

And when Dean opened his mouth, Castiel did not expect for him to say it back, he knew that Dean always had have problems to express his feelings, but not matter what Dean wanted to say, he wasn't able to, because he was interrupted by a sneaky, disgusting, mocking voice.

“Aww how adorable. It really breaks my heart to disturb your little 'chick flick moment' as you would call it Dean.”

__________

Dean and Cas turned around, Dean's heart was beating full of panic. This could not be happening, not now, not when his angel had just told him he loved him, not when was about to respond to those three little words, just simply not now.

But of course Metatron had to choose this exact moment to beam them into his old office.

He was standing in front of his desk and evil grin on his lips and Dean knew this was it, they would die.

“Dean, Dean, Dean. You disobeyed me. I'll guess I have to punish you for that.” he said fake disappointment and real pleasure in his voice.

Before Dean could do or say anything, Cas stood in front of Dean, his arms reached out protecting Dean.

“I won't let you hurt him!” he growled his voice deep and threatening.

For Dean this was quite ironic since Cas was the one Metatron wanted to hurt. He wanted to pull Cas back behind him and protect him. He knew if Metatron would give him an order he would not be able to fight it, but he would try anything to get Cas out of there alive.

“Castiel. I would say what a surprise to see you, but luckily I have my eyes and ears everywhere.” Metatron said and snapped with his fingers.

In front of him a woman appeared, who seemed oddly familiar. Dean just heard Cas gasp “Hannah?” his voice was full of disbelieve.

And then it hit Dean why she seemed so familiar. She had been a nurse in the hospital, she had danced with Cas on the ball.

“I am truly sorry Castiel.” she sounded really guilty and didn't dare to meet Cas' eyes.

“Little Hannah over here just wanted to have her wings back, and opposites you, Dean, she did a good job. Here you go, enjoy your freedom.” Metatron explained and snapped his fingers again and Hannah disappeared.

So if Hannah had been working for Metatron all along that meant...

“You sick bastard!” Dean yelled in fury, “You knew it. You knew it the entire time, for you it was just some sick game!”

His wish to kill Metatron had never been so strong. So everything had been a lie. Cas had been doomed from the moment Dean had brought him back to life.

“Well to be honest I didn't even plan on bringing him back in the first place.” Metatron admitted, “I made you a reaper so you were under my leash. You should actually not have been able to bring Castiel back, but somehow you managed to get hold of his grace and carry it out of heaven.”

Dean started to shake, he was angry, furious and afraid of what Metatron planned on doing to them. And what on earth did he mean with him not being able to bring Cas back.

But Cas seemed as surprised as Metatron had been.

“You did what?” he turned around and asked Dean.

“I carried your grace out of heaven.” why was Cas asking this.

That was what reaper did. They were able to see souls and carry them into hell or heaven, or to bring them back to earth. And Dean always had thought that an angel's grace was equal to an human's soul. Right now he could see the blue shining in Cas' chest brighter than any star in the universe. It was the most beautiful thing Dean had ever seen. It had almost blinded him in heaven, when he had grabbed it. Why where Metatron and Cas so surprised about it.

“But Dean,” Cas whispered, “that's impossible. Reapers can't see an angel's grace, nor are they able to carry it.” What the hell was he talking about.

“Cas, I can see your grace right now. It's shining out of you and around you. Right here.” Dean said and placed his hand on Cas' chest right over his heart.

Cas sucked in a sharp breath when Dean touched him and it seemed like his grace was shining even brighter.

But Cas was right somehow, it suddenly occurred to Dean. He hadn't been able to see Gabriel's grace, or the one of Hannah and when he glanced at Metatron there was nothing.

“Well things might have not went like I planned them,” Metatron ripped Dean's attention away from Cas and panic started to overcome him, “but your little talent, will be helpful when it comes to your punishment.” Metatron continued and Dean had to swallow.

Once again Cas positioned him in front of Dean but Metatron let out a sharp laughter.

“How cute. The angel who carried your soul out of hell and who's grace you took from heaven, tires to protect you. Actually a great love story. Sadly he won't be able to.” he gave them an evil grin before he opened his mouth again.

“Reap him!” he ordered Dean.

 


	8. His soul and mine are the same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this story is coming to an end, here are the two final chapters.  
> Credits for the chapter title go two Emily Bronte, since it's a quote form her novel "Wuthering Heights"  
> Thanks for all the hits and kudos,  
> now have fun reading :)

  
Sam and Gabriel rushed back into the building where the ball was. They had left their masks in the library ( it had been very hard to get Sam away from it and only because Gabriel had promised to take him back) and had tried to tuck their suits so that they didn't look like they had just been victims of a heavy make out session.

The moment they arrived back in the hall were everybody was dancing Gabriel stiffened and Sam knew something was wrong.

“What is it, Gabe?” he asked afraid of the answer.

“It's odd,” Gabriel frowned, “I can't sense their presences. I was able to feel Dean and Cas' presence the last time we where here.” he explained worry in his voice, “They are no longer in the building.”

Sam became really nervous “But they would never leave without telling us? And why are they both gone? It would make sense for Cas to be gone if Dean succeeded, but then Dean would still be here, right?”

But Gabriel had didn't answer, he just squinted his eyes and suddenly turned around.

“Hannah?” he cried out in surprise.

Who was Hannah and what did Gabriel want from here, Sam wondered and felt a slight hint of jealousy and found himself grabbing Gabriel's hand, who pulled him towards a woman, who apparently was Hannah.

When they reached her, her eyes widened in surprise and she asked “Gabriel? You are alive?”

“Yes, in colour and 3D. And you still have your wings.” he pointed out.

Hannah looked really uncomfortable and nodded tensely. Sam wondered if she had something to hide. He found out that she had something to hide a second later.

“And they are marked by Metatron!” Gabriel realised, “You work for Metatron!” disbelieve and anger in his voice.

“And I always thought you were one of the good ones.” Gabriel added what caused Hannah to break and she started crying.

“I am truly sorr...” she stared to sob but Gabriel interrupted her.

“Cut the crab Hannah!” he was clearly angry now, “Where are they? Where are Castiel and Dean?”

__________

“Reap him!” the words echoed in Dean's head and he felt panic rushing through his veins. Cas was still standing in front of him his wonderful blue eyes locked on Dean. There was no fear or hate in them, only love and forgiveness and Dean knew he had to fight Metatron's order.

Every time he had tried to fight his orders before he had started to feel unbearable pain and had obeyed Metatron.

But Dean was sure that nothing would cause as much pain as hurting Cas would.

“Cas..” he wanted to tell the angel to run, to get away from him, to leave, but his voice broke down.

Even if he had managed to warn the angel, Cas had no wings and it was not like he could just rush out of Metatron's office and run away.

But the angel didn't do anything like that, he didn't even step away and stayed so close to Dean, Dean was sure the angel could count every single of his freckles.

Then the pain overcame him. It was like acid was flowing through his veins instead of blood. Sweat was running down his forehead and he had to kneel down, because the pain was destroying him from the inside.

A tortured “Aahhh...” escaped his lips and heard Metatron laugh “Try to fight it as long as you want, Dean. We know both that in the end you will give in!”

“Never!” he hissed and he meant it and if the pain was going to kill him, he would not reap Cas.

If he just weren't standing so close to Dean. Dean felt the impulse to grab Cas' wrist and to reap him but he tried to fight it. His vision became red and he felt like someone had set his bones on fire.

He suddenly felt a cool hand pressed against his cheek.

“Cas..” he whispered, what on earth was Cas doing?

Didn't he get it? If Dean touched him, it would be over. Cas would be dead, forever. Gone.

“Let go, Dean.” he heard his angel say, “It's okay, Dean. Please let go!”

Dean couldn't believe what Cas just had said. He would never kill the angel, he couldn't. He loved Cas and no matter what the angel said or did, he would rather die than reaping him.

So he just shook his head, what clearly was a mistake because the pain immediately shot into his head, giving him a feeling like thousands of needles were piercing through his skin.

“Won't!” he hissed through is lips, “Won't do it, Cas!” he was exhausted and he had no idea how much longer he could fight his. He would either die or reap Cas. He hoped it would be the first option.

“Dean,” he heard the angel whisper again and the angel's voice was right next to his face, “it's okay.” and a second hand joined the first one and cupped Dean's face and before he even knew what was happening Cas pulled him in for a kiss.

When their lips touched it felt like the world around them was exploding, like someone had thrown oil into a fire, like Dean and Cas were bursting into flames. But it didn't hurt. Dean's pain was suddenly gone, when he felt Cas' tears running down their cheeks.

“Goodbye, Dean.” he heard the angel whimper, but how could he say something when his lips still were pressed against Dean's.

Even though Dean's eyes were closed he could see that they were surrounded by an blinding white light, shining brighter than a supernova and somehow Dean felt save and warm.

Usually he felt the energy and power of the soul pulsing in his hands, but this, this was nothing like reaping a soul. This was completely different.

He could feel how something was touching _his_ soul, wrapped itself around his soul and held on tight. It felt familiar, it felt comforting, it felt like Cas.

Dean's fingers dug into Cas' collar, trying to pull the angel closer and never letting go, because he knew the moment he let Cas go, it would be over.

The harder he pressed himself into Cas the stronger this weird but pleasant feeling got. It felt like Dean was whole, protected, like he was coming home after a long journey.

The light around them only shone brighter and brighter and Dean could feel power rushing through his exhausted weakened body. What was happening?

Something suddenly separated Dean's and Cas' lips and Dean opened his eyes, full of panic, afraid he'd be clutching onto Cas' dead body again, but the only thing he saw when he opened his eyes, was the familiar pair of pulsing blue eyes. Cas was not dead, nor soulless.

Instead he was glowing, not like his grace had before, no he was glowing even brighter.

There was a smile on Cas' lips and Dean had never felt so good, this feeling, what ever it was, was better than anything, no orgasms, no chocolate, not even kissing Cas was a comparison to what he was feeling right now.

Cas was suddenly getting up, pulling Dean with him, one arm slung around Dean's waist, pressing their bodies together like his life depended on it.

Dean's legs were still shaking a bit, but Cas was holding him up and not letting go of him.

“But...but this is impossible!” he heard Metatron gasp.

Dean had totally forgotten he was there too and fear started slowly creeping back into his chest.

But Cas held him tight and stretched out his right arm.

“I won't let you hurt Dean!” the angel growled and Dean could feel Cas' voice vibrating.

Metatron was standing there like he was petrified and the warm shining light that was surrounding them shot out of Cas' hand and hit Metatron.

A shrieking scream escaped Metatron before he bursted into flames.

Dean felt immediately how he was released from Metatron and if Cas didn't hold him, he would have collapsed on the floor.

A tender “Dean.” escaped Cas' lips, holding Dean with one hand the other one slowly stroking over Dean's cheek. His eyes were full of love and affection.

Dean wanted to speak, had so many questions to ask, so many things to say but before he could even open his mouth they were interrupted by a “Holy hell, that was awesome!”

When Dean and Cas turned around without letting go of each other of course, they saw that they had been interrupted by Gabriel and Sam, who seemed to hold hands.

Dean squinted his eyes a bit and yes his brother and Gabriel were actually holding hands.

His jaw dropped and he looked exactly as dumbstruck like Sam, who's jaw had dropped too.

“Gabriel, watch your language.” Cas was the first one to break the silence.

“Sorry.” Gabriel mumbled, “But you don't see two people sharing a soul everyday!” he defended himself.

Dean's head started to spin. He had still no idea what happened, how they were alive and what for fuck's sake did Gabriel mean with “sharing a soul” ?

Cas also seemed a bit confused and frowned.

“Wait, you mean sharing a soul..like...like in the prophecy?” he asked and Gabriel just nodded.

Dean just got more and more confused every second.

“Uhm...does somebody mind telling me what the hell you're all talking about?” he snapped annoyed being the only one not knowing what was going on.

Cas sat down on a couch and pulled Dean down with him. They still didn't let go of each other. Sam and Gabriel both sat down beside them and started to explain everything, starting with the prophecy and ending with the fact that Dean and Cas were basically soul mates.

“But wouldn't we have noticed the fact that we are soul mates before?” Dean asked not quite sure what he should think about all this.

“Not really. Soul mates can only see the soul of their other half when they realise that they are in love. For Cas it wouldn't really make a difference, since he is an angel he had always been able to see your soul.” Gabriel told them, “And for you, you started seeing souls when you became a reaper were then able to see Cas' grace slash soul mix.” and Dean was glad Gabriel didn't say anything about Dean being in love with Cas.

He was in love obviously, he was still able to see Cas' grace, soul whatever, but when he glanced over to Sam he saw nothing. When he had been a reaper there had been a bright shining ball of lightning inside Sam's chest, now there was nothing.

“So and we are kinda the only soul mates there are?” if that was true it was kind of sad, Dean thought.

“You're the only ones that are mentioned in a prophecy and between an angel and a human.” Dean noticed how Sam stiffened when Gabriel mentioned the angel human thing, “Anyway true soul mates are extremely rare, but they exist. But of course nobody of you humans would be crazy enough to admit that they see some strange ball of light inside the chest of their partner. You would straight go to a mental hospital if you told that anybody.”

“And the entire soul sharing thing?” Dean asked.

He still had no idea what it meant and how it had beaten Metatron.

“Cas' whatever and your soul are linked, since they belong together. This link gets activated through different things, love confessions, saving the other one, or in your case sacrificing yourself.” Gabriel went on and Dean just realised that he was really pissed at Cas.  
Cas had wanted to die, had been ready to sacrifice himself for Dean and had expected Dean would be okay with that?  
But before he could say anything Gabriel continued.

“When the link is activated, the two souls are conjoined and are form a bound nobody is able to break. Also then you are able to read each other's thoughts and feel the emotion of the other. It's such a strong bound nothing is more powerful and Cas used its energy to fight Metatron, who had been extremely strong since he had absorbed so many souls. But of course he was nothing compared to your soul bound. And if those two souls are conjoined it is called soul sharing.” and slowly everything started to make sense.

Dean was tired and all he wanted was return to the bunker, so he just nodded and gave Gabriel a begging look “Okay, I think I've got it now. Can you now please bring us back to the bunker.” and Gabriel just snapped with his fingers.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since you made it through a lot of angst you finally deserve some fluff, so go read the last chapter :)


	9. And in a thousand life times I'd still choose you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading this story, I quite can't believe I finally finished it.  
> If you enjoyed it fell free to leave a kudo or a comment.  
> Thanks for all those who already did. I hope I could keep the quality and satisisfy you.  
> Now enjoy the final chapter of Keeping the balance :)

Sam was glad it was all over. He was glad he did no longer have to see Dean suffer, he was glad that Cas was back in their lives and that Dean and he somehow had worked it all out, and he was glad he had Gabriel. He had slowly started to fall in love with the archangel over the past month and after tonight he was unbelievable happy.

He was just a bit afraid what Dean would say. He had definitely noticed the hand holding and Sam was worried he wouldn't approve of their relationship.

So it was no surprised that he tensed up when Dean entered the kitchen to grab a beer. Cas and Gabriel were still sitting in their living room.

Dean gave him a small smile and Sam tried to smile back.

“So you and Gabriel, huh?” Dean asked and Sam just managed to nod afraid of what might come now.

He expected Dean to get angry, tell him all the reasons, why Gabriel was wrong for him, why he should not be in a relationship with him and that if Sam didn't end it, Dean would not consider him his brother anymore.

But Dean did nothing like that. Instead his smile just grew wider.

“I knew you two were giving each other goggly eyes when he arrived in the bunker.” and Sam's jaw dropped.

“You knew?” he couldn't quite believe what Dean just had said.

“How much do you think can you eye fuck each other with out me noticing?” Dean raised his eyebrows and Sam finally relaxed.

“Well you gotta talk, Dean. Cas and you have been doing nothing else for years.” Sam teased back, but he was really happy that Dean accepted him.

“Touché.” Dean admitted and then added, “But not, seriously, if he makes you happy, I'm happy for you.”

And Sam couldn't help but hug his brother.

“Thank you.” he whispered in Dean's ear, “Thank you so much.”

“It's okay, Sammy, it's okay. And now go, your boyfriend is probably already waiting for you.” Dean replied with a soft laugh and Sam didn't hesitate a second to hurry to his boyfriend. His boyfriend. He liked the sound of that.

When he sat down next to Gabriel and told him the good news, he only noticed casually that Dean had left the bunker and that Cas had followed him.

Sam was way to busy to cuddle with Gabriel than to think of his brother right now.

Gabriel was snuggled against him and they were watching TV when Sam suddenly noticed something.

“Uhm...Gabe?” he stutterd.

“Yes, dear?” Gabriel answered (he had only chosen this nickname for Sam because it almost sounded like deer and everybody already thought that Sam was a moose).

“What is that golden shining ball, that is floating inside your chest?” Sam asked having already a pretty good idea what it could be.

“Holy shit, what?” Gabriel jumped up standing now in front of Sam, who was still sitting on the couch.

“There is a golden shining ball of light floating in your chest.” Sam repeated with a smile on his lips.

Gabriel just gasped.

“Do...do you think...do you think it means...” Sam was so excited he had started to stutter again.

“There is only one way to find out.” Gabriel grinned and pulled Sam in for a kiss.

A sudden wave of joy overcame Sam and all he was able to think was “I love you, Gabriel.” and he suddenly heard Gabriel's voice in his head “I love you, too, Sam Winchester.”

__________

Dean stepped outside the bunker, a beer in his hand, and stared out into the blue night sky.

He was happy for Sammy and glad he didn't have to serve Metatron any longer and of course he was glad Cas was back, but there was still something bugging him.

“You are angry.” Cas' deep voice suddenly said next to him, “I can feel your anger. Would you like to tell me the reason?” the angel asked.

And yes, he was right, Dean was angry.

“You would definitely feel better, if you talked about it.” Cas added.

“God damn it, Cas! I'm angry at you.” Dean yelled, he couldn't keep it in any longer.

“That I have noticed.” Cas replied, calm like he and Dean were talking about the freaking weather.

“You did something really really stupid today!” Dean continued yelling, “You should have run instead of throwing yourself in my arms! It could have killed you, Cas!”

“But it didn't, Dean. Also I have told you that I'd rather die than hide for the rest of my life unhappy because I can't be with you.” Cas interrupted him and the fact that he was still calm freaked Dean out even more.

“YOU COULD HAVE DIED! And I would have lost you, again! Do you have any idea how horrible it was to lose you the other times! I was never sure, if you would return, and I knew if Metatron had got hold of your soul or grace or whatever it would have been over! And I can't lose you, Cas. I can't lose you ever again, because I love you!” and with that Cas' jaw dropped.

“I'm in love with you, god damn it, Cas!” Dean had wanted to say it for such a long time.

He had have feelings for Cas ever since he could think. Sure he had first realised that it was real true love, when Cas had died. But he had wanted to say that he felt something, that he liked Cas way much more than he liked a friend. And now he knew that it was love. He had wanted to say it under different circumstances, during a romantic dinner maybe, or a walk at the beach. Sure, Dean was not really the type for romance, but he had wanted it to be special when he said it, because Cas was special. Cas was the best thing that had happened to him and he deserved all the romance and love and affection he could get. Cas could have chosen anybody. There were thousands of beautiful, less broken, less fucked up people out there and out of all of them, he...

“I have chosen you.” Cas completed Dean's thought, “And yes, I can still read your thoughts, if they concern me.” Cas also answered the question that had started to come up in Dean's mind.

“And I'd choose you again. And again and again, Dean.” Cas was making a step closer to Dean, “Because I love you too, and I'm your soul mate. You and I were meant to be, but still if we weren't, I would still choose you.” and Dean's heart started to beat a lot faster.

“Really?” his voice was nothing but a raspy whisper, but he also made a step getting closer to Cas.

“Really, Dean.” Cas confirmed, they were now only inches away from each other.

“You know,” Cas continued, “I can choose. I can keep my angelic grace human soul mixture and stay an angel, or I could let my human soul grow, like it is supposed to and become human.” there was a small smile on his lips when he said it.

“But Cas, you'd give up your power, your wings, your immortality.” Dean pointed out, he didn't even know why. He didn't want anything more than Cas being human with him, spending their life together, but he was afraid he wouldn't be enough for the angel, if he became human.

“That's true, Dean.” Cas admitted, “But you know what? I still choose you.” and with those words he finally kissed Dean, “And because there is nothing I want more, than to grow old with you.” he read the thought Cas sent him.

The kiss was gentle and tender, they didn't rush it, or were desperate.It was different from the other kisses they had had. They were simply happy.  



End file.
